A Monster Of The Grisliest Kind

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 The Epic Battle

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Alice Cullen
Alice Cullen

Number of posts : 788
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Registration date : 2009-01-21
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Location : Shopping with Rosie

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PostSubject: The Epic Battle   The Epic Battle EmptySat Feb 21, 2009 7:47 pm

Lari: Once upon a time, there was Lari, and Curly, and they were both Jasper Cullen fangirls. How does this relate to anything you might ask? Well, if you shut up and eat your pudding, you’ll know. Now stop interrupting my story, it’s very rude, you know...
Curly: Hi!!
Curly: Oh, can’t say I’m that sorry.
Lari: Back to Jasper...
Alice froze as a vision hit her. After five minutes, she unfroze and growled, “Ugh, it’s them again...”
Curly: Ooh, what’s happening?
Lari: SHUT UP! Gawd, I am so SICK of you people interrupting me!! Now shut up, and I’ll explain everything!
(The story melts between the authoresses here, no need for telling you who’s who, it’ll get annoying after a bit.)
Anyway, Jasper gasped, “Them?!”
Alice began counting down, “5...4...3...2...1...”
At this precise moment, two ninjas fell from the ceiling and threw a net over Jasper.
“Hello Lari, Curly,” Alice greeted the ninjas calmly.
“Damn, how’d you know?” Lari took off her mask.
“You’re very predictable.”
“Oh,” Curly said quietly.
“Doesn’t change anything!” Lari cried, grabbing Jasper and running.
“Alice, help meeee!” he wailed.
“You’re such a baby,” Alice said, going to chase Lari but Curly got in the way.
Edward appeared in the doorway with rollers in his hair and green goo on his face. “STOP IT! I’M TRYING TO LOOK PRETTY FOR BELLA!” he shrieked.
Lari barreled into him, Jasper ticked firmly under her arm.
“Edward, stop her!” Alice cried as she faced off with Curly.
“I CAN’T! PRETTY!” he screamed as he raced off madly, only to be replaced by Emmett.
Curly stared at Alice, who stared back, then gasped.
“I can’t see you!” she cried.
“Freak!” Emmett and Lari pointed and laughed at Curly and Alice, the latter puzzled, “Are you a hybrid?”
Curly pulled the zipper on the back of her neck to reveal...an Imperiused Jacob...
“Jacob?” everyone seemed surprised.
Curly walked in, looking smug. “Ha, didn’t see that coming,” she smirked as Lari raced off with Jasper, screaming, “FOR SPARTAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
Curly pulled out a lightsaber and proceeded to battle Alice as Lari escaped.
“Bring it, girlfriend,” Alice challenged Curly.
“Oh, it’s brought!”
Emmett went to get popcorn to watch what is sure to be the girl fight of the century.
Lari and Jasper came back to watch, with Jasper handcuffed to Lari.
Alice and Curly began the banter:
“Your momma’s so ugly, she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning!” Curly taunted.
“Oh yeah, well, your momma’s so fat she wore a yellow dress and people yelled, ‘Taxi!’” Alice shot back.
“Oh really? Your momma’s so fat, she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and she chased it, screaming, ‘STOP THAT TWINKIE!’”
“What was that?” Esme said, walking in.
“AW, SHIT, IT’S YO’ MOMMA!” Lari screamed and ran off.
“Larrrri!” Curly cried.
“What are they doing?” Esme asked innocently.
“Momma, they’re stealing my Jasper!” Alice cried.
“AW SHIT, SHE SNITCHED!” Lari’s voice was heard in the far distance.
“Lari, RUN, RUN AWAY!” Curly yelled, holding the lightsaber in front of Alice and Esme.
“Emmett, get her!” Alice yelled.
“No way!” Emmett said, “This is too good to miss!”
“I’m saving the people!” he yelled from the hospital.
“I’m slowly killing Bella from the inside!”
“Charlie?” she called him. “Can you stop Lari?”
“Alright,” he agreed.
“NOOOOOO!” Lari yelled, bowling him over somewhere in Forks. Jasper whimpered in fear.
“I’LL SAVE YOU, JAZZY-KINS!” Emmett yelled. “After this fight,” he added.
Alice jumped, and Curly made Jacob get in front of her.
“Shall we commence fighting?”
“Yes, let’s.”
“JAZZYKINS!” both Alice and Emmett yelled.
Alice got out her orange lightsaber. “IT’S GO TIME!” she screamed at Curly.
Curly let loose with an unintelligible garble of mixed up sounds and various noises.
Alice blinked, “Um, could you repeat that?”
Curly made the sound again.
“One more time...in slow motion...”
Curly rolled her eyes and attacked.
“USE THE FORCE, CURLS!” Lari-Wan Kenobi yelled.
Curlikin Skywalker closed her eyes and concentrated hard. Then she laid an egg.
“Not so hard!” Lari cried.
“Oh,” Curly thought as she lifted Alice up with her mind.
“Eww!” Alice shrieked. “Get your mind OFF me!”
“Make me,” Curly smirked, then lifted Emmett as well.
“Whee!” Emmett giggled.
“Nice,” Lari commented. “Now lift me up, too!”
“Why should I?” Curly asked.
“’Cause it’s cooking time, bitches!” the elder sister grinned. “Now beam me up, Scotty!” she ordered as she got out her lightsaber.
“Alright,” Curly obeyed. Since Jasper was handcuffed to Lari, he flew up alongside her.
“That might get old,” Rosalie sneered as Lari and Jasper collided midair.
“Ouch! Jazz, go to the corner!”
“Oof! Um, never mind.”
Then an idea hit Lari and she attempted to hit Alice with Jasper but failed, for she ended up smacking herself in the face with Jasper far more often then she hit Alice. Exasperated, lari finally just handcuffed Jasper to…
“JAZZYKINS!” Emmett squealed in fangirlish delight. Jasper rolled his eyes as he muttered, “Why me?”
Curly lowered Emmett and Jasper then lifted herself up and joined Lari and Alice. Rosalie watched this, shrugged, and went back to killing Bella from the inside.
Alice moved toward Lari and Curly, looking like she was trying to swim through molasses.
“Bring eet!” Lari grinned, then twirled her lightsaber around coolly.
“It’s brought!”
“Go Alice!” Jasper cheered.
“Thanks, Jazz!” Alice turned and waved at him. This gave Lari and Alice ample time to attack her.
“Hey! HEY! Get OFF me!” she screeched, flailing about wildly as she tried to fight them off.
“WAIT!” Lari yelled. Curly and Alice turned to look at her questioningly. “If we’re gonna do this whole battle thing, we might as well do it right,” she explained, ripping off her ninja clothes to reveal Jedi robes. Shrugging, Curly followed suit, and Alice tore off her dress to reveal Darth Vader robes. Esme tossed her the Darth Vader mask and Alice deftly caught it and put it on.
“Nice catch,” Lari approved.
“Thanks,” Alice smiled.
“Ooh, ooh, can I be the Emperor?” Esme cried.
“Sure,” Curly agreed.
“Cool!” Esme grinned as ripped off her clothes and revealed an Emperor costume.
So everyone was all set to battle the EPIC BATTLE IN THE WORLD when Carlisle walked in.
“Erm, is this a bad time?” he nervously eyedthe four floating women, and a handcuffed Jasper and Emmett.
“Kind of, yeah,” everyone said.
“I must say this looks bad,” he examined the lightsabers and handcuffs. “If you are intending to do anything violent, I must encourage you to abandon it.”
“Aw, Carlisle, you ruin everything,” Alice whined, then, “Lari?”
“You got cuffs on you?”
“Yep, want them?”
“Sure do.”
And that is how Carlisle found himself handcuffed to Jasper and Emmett.
“Aw, jeez, I should have stayed at the hospital,” Carlisle whined.
“CARRIE-POO!” Emmett screamed happily.
“Why me?” Carlisle and Jasper wondered in unison.
Then the battle began after many delays.
“This is so wrong!” Carlisle moaned. “We should work things out peacefully!” he shouted over the crash and buzz of lightsabers.
Lari and Alice blinked and looked at each other…
“MMF!” Carlisle couldn’t talk for the duct tape.
“Now we can fight,” Curly smiled.
The battle lasted many hours and ranged all over the house. The roof had fallen in and the walls were threatening to come down next and Esme’s prized base had been smashed.
“Nooo! Not the vase!” Esme cried. “That was a gift from Kevin!”
Carlisle ripped off the duct tape. “Kevin?”
“AW SNAP, IT’S A SECRET!” Lari screamed and ran around in circles around Curly.
“Stop it! You’re making me dizzy!” Curly yelled as she held Lari back with her mind.
“Esme dear, who is Kevin?” Carlisle inquired.
“Kevin’s the guy she’s using to cheat on you, stupid,” Jasper clarified.
“What?” Carlisle’s eyes filled with tears. “Why don’t you love me anymore, Esme?”
“Crap,” Esme swore.
Curly and Lari took this opportunity to escape.
“WAIT!” Jasper yelled. “If Lari leaves, then who’s gonna fight Alice for me? I kinda…like all the attention.”
“Curly, you wanna go on home without me?” Lari tossed the house key to Curly.
“Kaykay,” Curly skipped off.
“So…where’s Alice?”
“I dunno.”
“Do YOU wanna fight?”
“Not like I have anything better to do,” Jasper shrugged.
Curly popped in, “Hey, aren’t we supposed to be kidnapping him?”
“Oh, do you mind?”
“Go ahead, I need a change of scenery.”
“Otay!” Lari stuffed Jasper in a duffel bag and went home.
Once home, Lari helped Jazz out of the duffel bag.
“Yay!” Curly clapped her hands and danced in a circle. “We got him, we got Jasper!”
“Yey!”Lari happydanced with Curly. “We came, we fought, we kidnapped!”
“So...now what?” Curly asked.
“Um, I dunno, never thought we’d get this far.”
“Let’s go to Morocco!”
“’Cause it’s in our French textbook.”
“How about Canadia? Haven’t been there in a while…”
“Alright,” Curly agreed. Jasper looked scared, as well he should…Poor Jazz. XD

Not finished...might update....depends on reviews.
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Number of posts : 60
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Age : 27
Location : Wolfsschanze

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PostSubject: Re: The Epic Battle   The Epic Battle EmptyTue Feb 24, 2009 9:24 pm

Is this what we're supposed to base all of our RP epic battles/bitch fights off of?
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Alice Cullen
Alice Cullen

Number of posts : 788
Karma Points : 770
Registration date : 2009-01-21
Age : 26
Location : Shopping with Rosie

The Epic Battle Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Epic Battle   The Epic Battle EmptyWed Feb 25, 2009 6:07 pm

No, it's just the Epic Battle.
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The Epic Battle
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